Turning the camera around

This weekend I made a video about soup.

This wasn’t the first time I’d posted a Reel, but it was the first time in quite a while since I’d shot footage of myself speaking into the camera. The experience was both humbling and invigorating.

I wasn’t aiming for slick production with this video. I’ve done that for big brands, and though that’s a lot of fun, it’s also a lot of work. This weekend I just wanted to share my soupspertise (a topic for another day), play around with some editing tools and most importantly entertain myself.

But man oh man is it hard to keep the self-criticism in check when you’re looking at video of yourself, even with such a light-hearted exercise. Why do I blink so much? Why is my mouth so weird? What’s up with my voice? WTF has happened to my face???

Making matters worse, I realized when I started editing the video that I didn’t have enough shots to fully explain the recipe, so I had to find stills. And those stills weren’t the same dimensions as my footage, and it was all a giant mess. A giant mess that I absolutely did not feel like cleaning up.

And so I didn’t. I just glued that sucker together and shipped it into the ether — and then spent the next 30 minutes rewatching it in fascinated horror.

Still, I found the experience slightly exhilarating, a bit like that little thrill I used to get when I performed in talent shows as a kid. I wonder if this could be a step toward self-acceptance and eventually, maybe, self-love.

I think I’ll do it again sometime.