Women of New York, I beseech you

Dear neighbors:

It's spring, which means it's getting warmer, which means you're breaking out the dresses and skirts, which means you need to listen up.

I hate to bring this up again, but clearly my message from last year didn't sink in. Y'all really, really need to invest in some slips. These handy garments not only prevent us from seeing through your skirts, but they also help prevent a condition I've decided to call "skirt jam," a close cousin to camel toe. You know what I'm talking about.

Look, I know slips are inconvenient, and I also know that they can be a little uncomfortable as the temperature rises. But they're also necessary. They save you from looking like harlots, and they save me from having to see your ladyparts.

I was willing to give you a pass this winter, as long as you were wearing opaque tights (but not footless leggings, which are never, ever acceptable). But now? Just act like ladies and buy some slips already.

Sincerely,
Rock and Roll Grammarian