Dear lord

I checked my Yahoo mail this morning and found a message from my cellphone provider. "Get your phone ready for a hot summer," it said.

Usually I just ignore such messages, but this time I was intrigued. What on earth could they mean? Does my phone need special insulation for the sweltering heat to come? Can T-Mobile equip it with a sun shield, perhaps?

So I clicked on the message and read the following: "Scorch your phone with sizzling summer downloads. ... Summer's the time for hot ringtones and cool wallpaper."

I'm sorry, but what the frack is wrong with these people? How the frack did we get to this point? I freely admit that I get a kick out of having a phone that takes pictures (and even that seemed like a total extravagance when I bought it), but please tell me what has happened to America that we now use electronic devices to "express ourselves."

I can only pray that T-Mobile and the rest of them are merely marketing to the very young and very foolish crowd. Come to think of it, though, that doesn't make me feel much better.

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So today is May 17, a rather dark day in the Grammarian's history that I usually try to sleep through, if at all possible. Not today, however. I woke up at 8 this morning, on purpose, to prepare for a great journey. Today, readers, I'm traveling to sunny, scenic New Providence, NJ. Does Destiny await me there? I'll keep you posted.