Deep breaths

Because the fear of shame is a powerful motivator, I've decided to tell all who read this blog of my resolution to quit smoking.

I haven't smoked a cigarette in 49 hours, and I must say I'm rather proud of myself. I'm pretty sure my addiction to smoking is psychological, but I'm not taking any chances. No siree. I, Samantha am putting my faith in Nicoderm patches. Yes, they cost an arm and a leg, and yes, they burn like acid when I first put them on, but damn it, the pain is worth it. I don't want to get a disease or wrinkles! No, I do not.

I'm not entirely sure I got the patch with the right dosage of nicotine, as I spent most of yesterday feeling extremely alert and much of today feeling sick to my stomach. I couldn't decide between the ones for people who smoke more than 10 cigarettes a day or those for people who smoke 10 or fewer a day. I wasn't (note the past tense!) that consistent in my habit. I'd say that generally I smoked fewer than 10 a day, but there were plenty of exceptions (any of you who've hung out with me at a bar can attest to this). At any rate, I'm hoping I don't end up more addicted than I was before, and I'm hoping I don't become bitter, angry and fat.

You know, I was a little hesitant to share this with strangers, but as most of you reading this are not strangers, I figured it was OK. And hell, I'll take support from strangers, too. The more help, the better.